Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Grey..

I don't think I've ever talked about this on my blog before but i really can't talk about anything else until  i get this
out of the way. For me its like an elephant in the room and i need to address it
and after reading another blog about this i knew it was time so bear with me k

I hope you can find some encouragement through my experience ..

i really can't pin point how it started or really the WHY 
but a wave of sadness hit me around Friday night
People call it many things, baby blues, postpartum, etc..
I call it The Grey..And i know for some mamas they might feel this early on after their precious babies
come but for some reason mine hits around the 6th or 7th month and i thought maybe just maybe
i wouldn't feel this way this time around..

I had no real understanding before of what postpartum was and i actually kind of had a superior attitude about it
because really I'm such a positive person, the glass is have full type of girl. So of course depression was not something 
i would have to deal with..right?..boy was I  wrong and it hit me so hard that i think i kind of lost my mind for awhile 
i was not seeing things clearly and for awhile  i did not want to talk about to anyone
i was so angry and sad
 i was angry about being sad.
Hurt and sad about how hard it was to nurse jasmine and then i was heartbroken when i quit
which only added more sadness and shame to my heart and this amazing role i had as a mother
i felt like a complete failure in every possible way.. 

If  there is one thing I've learned from my last experience with jasmine and feeling The Grey was i have to own this
I have to  accept its happening early on and talk about it and pray and pray over this..i have to lay these thoughts and emotions at the feet of my savior and trust him 
that I WILL GET THROUGH THIS! I can trust him with my heart and my  mind.
So mamas out there or anyone going through The Grey right now can i just encourage you (this is not completely selfless because encouraging others actually helps me feel good:)..
I'm going to share with you some things that have helped me either through advice given by other wise mamas or books
I've read..

*Replacing false thoughts about yourself with truth and victorious ones 
*Worship Worship
*Meditation, Prayer, etc..
*Talking it out with a friend
*tell your spouse right away what your dealing with don't hide this! it will only make it worse:( trust me.
*Remember there is light at the end of this GREY period for how ever long or intense it is for you 
 your joy will come again and you will find yourself someday after all the diapers are gone and the kids have gone to school:) 
*Pamper yourself take time to refill your cup so you can be a happy mama..i know much harder to do then it sounds..
*Exercise I KNOW who wants to hear that right!! but it does help to get those free happy endorphins going in your body to help you feel good about yourself
*and remember your not alone! A lot of mamas have felt and dealt with this in some way or another so don't feel any shame 
about how you feel

Psalm 31:1-3,24
In You, O LORD, I put my trust;Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness.Bow down Your ear to me,Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me.For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your name's sake, Lead me and guide me.
Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and He heard me,And delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 94:19 
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul.

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew {their} strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; {and} they shall walk, and not faint.

with much love, this girls journey 


  1. Love this! I have felt like this a lot. I LOVE that you call it.. The Grey. I will always think of it in this way now. With this baby girl, it's MUCH better than it was when I had Eliza. *gag* I would always cry every evening.. for no reason at all. And still sometimes, I feel sad, and can't even explain why. I'm SO happy that we have a GOD who can bring us out of this! I always feel blessed! Praying for you!!! :)

    1. thank you sweet megan! talking about it helps so much..yes taking it day by day:)