Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Finding your voice even when your scared..

 I have lost my voice or rather I didn't really know what my voice was anymore in this space. What exactly was i going to do with this blog? What was its purpose anymore?
 I had my mind all scrambled up with all different ideas of what I wanted here or what it should be..but no matter how many times i went to type i just couldn't. I didn't have the desire anymore to share fashion or makeup secrets although that's great fun to read and to sometimes put together but my heart just wasn't in it. When it came to sharing pictures and stories about my kids i wasn't sure how much of that i wanted to share here in the BIG old Internet (this place can feel real open and scary to me sometimes maybe that's the introvert in me. 
I did the next best thing that i knew after praying. I became STILL. I didn't type I wrote. I journal and then prayed some more. Realizing how much of my analyzing over my words and the sharing over my heart came down to fear. Fear can paralyze you when you feed it. 
I did a lot of other things this year even though i was afraid. We said yes to Foster care & moving towards the dream of adopting. And we are doing it! She's precious she so beautiful guys. And I'm still scared. Nothing is final and we are in the thick of it and its "brutiful" borrowing that word from Glennon Doyle one of my favorite humans. 

I went to The Influence Conference this year. Alone. Um yeah that was scary and not easy for this introvert/extrovert gal but i did it and it changed my life! I met new friends (all the girls i roomed with were newbies there too! I saw women dream big all for the glory of god. There is nothing sweeter then to be surrounded by women who love Jesus and want to use their resources and gifts to build HIS kingdom. It rocked my world people! If you've never been you must try to make it. You won't regret it i promise! Go to this link to check out the conference The Influence Network
Also we finally found a house. Praise God!! November 1014 was the month that we said YES. We put action along with our faith and we were blown away. By the grace of god we got the house of our dreams I still can't believe they said yes to our offer by the way. I bawled my eyes out y'all! So we hurriedly moved in we just couldn't wait till we were officially in!! We moved in to our house in a crazy frenzy way.  I kid you not items were just thrown in boxes (i still can't find half my stuff truly! And it was extra crazy because in the same week we said YES to a newborn baby girl. Our very first placement. People said we must be crazy! I don't blame them because honestly i felt a little crazy too. Sometimes God meets us in the crazy.

So where did the holidays go? I don't know?? I grasped for peace for quite among the doubts of the what ifs? What if i did the wrong thing? What if this was the wrong house? I mean ill never get this house all cleaned. Our old precious little house was half this size if even that. And the wall paper oh lord the wall paper! Its in every room. Every beautiful room of this old Victorian home that screams potential also screams wallpaper hate at me. Be Still. Yes I'm being still. I am daily praying gods words over my mind and heart to take one day at a time. The rooms WILL get done One room at a time sweetie one step at a time.. 

And here we are January. I don't do resolutions anymore i just can't go there. The shame and disappointment i feel after not following through just ain't with it January but i do love you. I love you for your FRESH start. For the word that God wants and gives us. This year its "Purpose". And isn't that just grand. I mean i didn't know that that was what i was really asking. But i was. What is my purpose God? What am I doing with the resources and talents you've given me? Do i share with others? Do i share from my heart in this space? Or have i been hiding in fear protecting my heart because i don't trust you with mine. Because i think I've strived too long for the approval of others, that I've played it safe.
Yes. Yes i have been hiding. Have you been hiding? DON'T!
 God wants me to use my(our) voice for his purpose to bless others to be raw real & vulnerable. Sharing my stories my simple journey in life that comes way easier to me then what i had been striving to do. I had become anxious in writing and blogging plain and simple because i was comparing.Period. I would read all these other blogs and see what i wasn't doing..What i wasn't able to do. So and so is such a better writer then I. And that girl is the perfect fashionista her pictures and clothes geez i will never measure up in this world of blogging..So i became anxious. I lost my voice.

So what was my purpose of this blog now? A year ago I had renamed my shop on etsy to the Stamped Studio. The change came with my passion for words and my love for hand stamped vintage looking jewelry. Jewelry i wanted to create with a purpose. I wanted to help rescue victims from the sex trade and had found a ministry that does just that. 
But I knew I wanted freedom too. Not from the same arena of bondage as them but of a different kind. Freedom from the fear of shame. Freedom to be myself to be me. To become the woman God created me to be imperfect but willing to be used by him.
And i knew when i changed the name of this blog it wasn't just about tying it in with the shop. I knew i wanted a space that was a honest telling. A place to inspire freedom. 
 She Stamps Freedom. 
So what did that look like? She stamps freedom meant walking in freedom in my life. Breaking free from fear being vulnerable here and with others around me. Stepping outside the box and  the year 2014 I felt was surely that for me. Going to influence conference by myself! Meeting women that inspired me the challenge to me that honestly scared me with their audacity to just live this life free! With gods help they were able to be vulnerable imperfect and real. They make a difference. I wanted that. I still want that. So this little space of mine it's changed. I finally started writing again writing prayers real honest prayers from my heart & writing the journey that I'm on. The purpose of this, the main purpose in doing this is I for one love sharing from my heart. Second my biggest hope & prayer is that it blesses Every Woman to live free. To hold onto gods promises to step out in your life imperfectly, vulnerable and real with people around you just as you are. Because you'll learn real soon that the more you do this. The freer you are and you allow others to be too. The more authentic relationships you will encounter. And it's true the biggest commandment is to love one another and I think this is how we do it.
It's time to tell our story.