I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the works of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you,
my soul thirst for you like a parched land.
I tried leaving the house the other day for a few groceries with a 3 year old and a 8 month old. I was tired and so were they (my first mistake) but i was kind of desperate for these items and i wasn't going to wait until James got home to get them so i could leave alone. So we went and there was a melt down in the store both kids crying and me struggling to get through the store without crying myself. See in my small town this would not go unnoticed we were live entertainment for all the well behaved kids and moms shopping in peace..I am laughing now about it of course because i know I'm not the only one whose been there done this and felt like your totally messing up. But here i was desperate. Desperate for what i wasn't sure. What i did know was this desperation left me feeling lost and hungry for more
When we are young moms in the season of diapers, begging for nap times to work and all the other demands of mothering there can in this season be a loneliness that comes along. The feeling that you've somehow lost yourself in the routine and the desire to live a passionate life can feel lost. You really miss your freedom you really miss having coffee with a friend or how it didn't take 30 minutes to leave the house every time you had to get a few groceries. And when your there it takes even longer to leave your exhausted and ready for that nap but oh the things you have to do..
But when I'm here, when I'm feeling this way i know i have forgotten that this is only a season of my life. That what i really need is to take a deep breath pour that cup of tea and just rest in Gods grace. Hold onto his truths. Like in Psalms when David cries out I can't help but make this my anthem right now "hey i remember the days of old, I'm going to meditate on all that you've done in my life, ponder the beautiful work of your hands. I am going to stretch out my hands to you, because my soul is so thirsty for you like a parched land i need you!
Yes that's me and its what I truly need.
When i remember that just a short season years ago when three of our older kids had all started school and i remember looking around my house and hearing silence. How i laughed and wondered now what? Who needs me? Hey I can leave the house and get coffee visit a friend..heck i can do anything i want today until 3pm! Funny thing was i really missed them so much i cried and then i thanked God for that season and started asking him what does he have for me now?
I want to start asking that question again now. Even though I'm in a season of busy mothering and fostering our sweet baby that keeps me limited at times when i desire more freedom. When i am surrounded by melt downs I want to be thanking him for this beautiful and hard season of mothering and asking him to come into this place of loneliness. Because i know i am not alone and neither are you if this is your season. We've either been there or are right there with you sista! So I am going to be asking him to come into this hungry lonely place in my heart? And asking him what does he have for me in this season now? To open my eyes to all he wants to do in me and through me.
Go ahead and ask him too? I'll be praying for you too.