"Be glad and rejoice with me."
Secretly it was hard for me to believe in a GOOD thing.
When we moved into our house almost a year ago now I felt so many feelings one especially was JOY And thankful so truly thankful that we finally had a home of our very own. I had dreamt and waited so long for this that I was in a almost state of disbelief that it was actually happening. Out of body kind of thing. WE had our very first HOME. A long season of waiting was over and now was the time to rejoice and be glad.
I truly felt this bliss feeling for a while until soon after another feeling altogether came that took the wind out of my sails. It was a slight suspicion a fear lets call it, that something bad was around the corner. That somehow all this blessing and joy we felt in our lives was going to be short lived.
It was in every joyful thought I would have about our new home and our new season in life here. I had waited so long to experience all of this with my family and here I was scared that somehow a ball was meaning to drop somewhere.
I could not fully enjoy it and it grieved me and shamed me to feel this way.
Why could I not fully enjoy this season? Do I really believe good things are short lived?
Somewhere along the way I let my heart and mind believe that unless the JOY could be a guaranteed long season I had to fear the bad thing coming around the corner. Secretly feeling that God would only let be happy for a little while. And if he was especially disappointed in me well then shoot something bad was surely coming my way or a blessing withheld from me.
I believed Gods love for me was conditional and my heart was hurting here because of it and deep down I knew something about my belief was wrong.
It was such a lie friends.
Somewhere along the way there was a agreement I had made in my heart that God could not be trusted in his love for me and I realized how it affected every area of my life. Raising my kids, my marriage, my friendships and my hearts dreams. Deep down I didn't believe I could trust God with them all. I needed to control and protect my heart from disappointments and from hoping too much.When we had extra money to spend id spend it because to be honest we struggled for so long that deep down i thought if we have it we might as well enjoy it while it last right? Wrong! oh how wrong I'd seen my God for so long.
I needed healing here. I needed forgiveness here. In fact I was desperate for it. And like the father I continue to learn and believe my God is, he's wrapped his arms around me and began that beautiful work of repairing my hurting heart. This shame and disappointment I had carried for so long I can finally let go of. I am choosing to let him into this place and make it all new. And HE is and HE can friends. So lets go there..
Are there places in your heart and life you'd made agreements that bring you shame or keep you from seeing God as a giving and loving father? Ask him to come into this place and bring that healing you need. Because we oh so need it! He wants you to really know his LOVE fully. That his blessings are not conditional. Like a loving mother or father that wants to give you all the love and blessing they can. This is how HE loves us. Hold onto that TRUTH.