Monday, January 4, 2016

Your Fresh start A NEW year..that blank canvas

The grand canyon so SCARY and SO majestic.

I always wanted to take a art class in college I looked forward to it so much. See I love art it speaks something so loudly into my soul, very much like books do. In school I would loose track of time art class seemed to only last 5 minutes even though it was longer and I always left happier.
But I never did go to college like I planned to after James and I were married. You know sometimes those plans we carefully lay out on the paige can change and they do most of the time. Exactly 6 months after we said I do I became pregnant and we were of course happy, surprised and scared out of our minds! We didn't even know we were going to be having twins no that little surprise came later. So I naively thought this wouldn't change a thing I could still go to school as soon as this morning sickness would wear off. But it didn't it no it just got worse I became bedridden and barley could keep down water let alone food. It was the most sick id ever been in my life and still is to this day. I just slept all day everyday for months and then we got the NEWS congratulations its going to be TWINS! Oh my goodness we were STUNNED we cried and laughed so much that day. Ever have one of those out of body experiences were you can't believe something so beautiful and scary is happening in your life. Yeah it was like that.
I soon after threw out the college dream I knew this was going to be a whole new adventure for us and I could not juggle it all. Oh sure I yearned for it in the days and the years to come when i saw friends graduate and live their twenties free of diapers and motherhood. But when I finally let go of those insecurities I started to truly find purpose and joy in my life again, when I saw how my story was my own and God had a plan all along. I had to trust him with my little family and my hearts desires. Some days are easier to see that TRUTH and then somedays I need jesus to show me this. When the new year comes I start to look back and see where has those desires and secret dreams gone. Where are they and have they changed just as I have changed and am I still asking God to show me the desires he has for me?

It may not be going to full time school..yet. If I was busy then 15 years ago well having five kids now in a variety of ages has both me and James constantly evaluating where we spend our time. Because time is so precious and these are HOLY years with our kids and we don't want to miss it. That being said I don't believe we as moms have to lay down every desire and dream until all the kids fly the nest. Theres so much out there for moms and women and men too these days. I thank the Internet for that one!! It has many evils I agree but in the area of finding your voice and potential in a career or a hobby you can manage from home well thats a sure blessing.

We've got Etsy for us creative people that want to make extra money and honestly just have a creative outlet is so good for the soul. You set up a shop name and start listing your craft, art, vintage clothing the possibilities are endless there. There is online writing for publications, magazines, writing contest for money and for developing your writing muscles. Oh and there is blogging for some its been a great way to have a outlet in writing and business. A lot of moms become photographers these days, it gives them a way to make extra cash for the family and express themselves creatively as well too. And man they are GOOD! I am blown away at the moms around me and their talent to look through the lens and see the beauty around them. Do it start taking those pictures!

 For some of you it may be taking a new workout class at your local gym. I did that this year it was Yoga class at my local gym. I really love yoga I got really into it when i was pregnant with violet and had been wanting to try a class again ever since then so when I heard there was a class locally so I pushed myself to try it..But this class was not what I thought it would be. No to be honest I almost quite and was really disappointed at first. It was also hilarious and awkward oh and I didn't know one person there so there is that. But after a month of the class it was done and you know what I was thankful that I did it! It pushed me to not only try something new but meet new people. I met a few older ladies that made me laugh every tuesday night! These ladies were fun and brought me relief and much needed joy after a busy mothering day. So now Pilates so thats next and its a Tuesday am very early..lord help me! But I think you get the picture right? It can be a BIG thing for some of us and for some its a small desire a little thing that can expand our heart and mind.

I think local community colleges are great go to for continuing education classes and every year I get their brochure of fun classes for adults to take. I become so giddy and excited I sit with it and my highlighter to highlight the "what if I had the time" what class would be fun to take. Something new to learn excites me. And theres always that Art class catching my eye saying hey girl pick me, take a chance and sign yourself up. But the idea of taking the class and painting on this beautiful blank canvas scares the crap out of me. I am afraid I'll ruin it. Afraid of wasting money on a class that will only confirm my biggest fears..I am not a artist. And that fear has me closing the brochure every year saying well not yet..I'm not ready yet to go outside my comfort zone here.

And I think thats how a lot of us my feel about a NEW year too, a clean slate and all the pressure that it puts on us to have goals for the new year ahead it feels heavy so we just don't. And I get it I really do. Some of us quite before our pen even hits the paper because we fear the failure of not reaching that goal or not doing that thing or diet that we have said we would do every year before. The fear of failure is what most of us fear. And that very thing we fear is what God wants us to hand over. Fear.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

"The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; He is my helper." Psalm 118:6-7

"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He FREED me from ALL my FEARS." Psalm 34:4
(this last one is my favorite!! My ANTHEM this year)

I  think if I hand over my fear, this fear of ruining a blank canvas he can make something beautiful out of my mess out of my failings. If I choose to give him my NEW year all blank and new and ask him to come into this place. Take the pen lord show me what areas of my life you want me to risk my fear of failure and other areas that need so much more of you and so much less of me. I think he says YES! A big hell YESS I've been patiently waiting for you to loose that tight grip on your fears and comfortable life. I want to see you thrive and truly live.
Because friends HE does care for your heart and those desires he placed within you. And when we seek him with all our heart and relinquish our tight control over it all I believe he answers gladly and joyfully with that YES!
So lets all take that pen to paper brush to canvas and risk much this year!
Trusting God to work it all out for his glory.

Happy NEW year!